Happy New Year 2007!

improve singing , will you?

2007 Astro-Predictions!

REF
http://www.astroprofile.com/2007sunCancer.htm

General:
Saturn does it all for me. I am relieved. :)

Relationships:
The year of 2007 will be much more fulfilling and enriching than the past few years. This will be the year for abundance, growth, fun, self-fulfillment and creativity in all your relationships.

Finance:
2007 is the right time to focus on investments and initiating new ventures.

Career and Work:
Jupiter and Pluto are forming very positive aspects to your 10th house of career. Pluto is the great transformer and Jupiter is the planet of luck and expansion. Needless to say, they will trigger new opportunities and energy in your profession and career.

Mann.. why was pluto considered not a planet :)

Health:
Your most physically active period is between October 1st through the end of the year when Mars enters, stays, retrogrades in Cancer, your sign. You will feel energetic, invigorated, and vibrant. It's a great time to join the gym or run the marathon.

Shall i have to wait till October ? damn!!!!!

Looking Ahead:
Jupiter and Pluto help you discover a lot about self-preservation from December 2007 onward, while 2008 finds you exploiting your talents to the full profit potential. In 2009 Jupiter and Neptune present even greater financial possibilities by way of someone who'll have a huge impact on your life. The joint forces of Jupiter and Uranus in 2010 point to a massive change of direction which surprises even you.

2007 is a busy year of importance for Cancer.

Needless to say .. i am all excited for the NEW YEAR already! CHECK YOUR ASTROS PPL!!!

why drink?

Drinking a moderate amount of alcohol — up to four drinks per day in men and two drinks per day in women — reduces the risk of death from any cause by roughly 18 percent, researchers have found.



With the researchers coming up with that statistics , i have started growing the greed to live more. There i go booze again ;) and 4 a day.. that seems enough for me already. I wouldnt want more. seriously! :P :)

Read More:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16173568/wid/11915773?GT1=8816

2006! - an statistical analysis

34 - yahoo 360 [ merged it with this blog ]
42 - elftrauma [ its all mess - different states of mind there are ]
14 - elfwork [ updated least frequently ]
___
90 posts!

That makes, every post per (365/90) 4.05 day.
This signifies almost 24.65% of a year , i do actually spend my time blogging.. leave the public forum alone and the time i think to write to a blog would make it greater than 75% for sure.

A more detailed statistics of the year 2006 for ELF is depicted on graphs below. If you dont understand what i mean by each, you probably dont know me :)

whats up, ELF ?

Huh , is it yet another ELF monologue you're starting ?

Hmmmm .. probably yes!!! or is it not? Lets see how i end upto. Finally, i got some time to nurture my little world! My little world with words, where i rant and complain and most probably, this time NOT. Is this blog my "Punch BAG" ?? lol , i dont know!

Wokie Dokie! Enough with feelings that you always want to/actually bring into your blogs. Its been long you have not written about yourself, and the way you are at present. Make it quite interesting ELF, and not as boring as you are! :P

alrite! alrite! stop it!!!! let me continue...

It so happens, that i am over with my courses for some while now, whereas bigger advents are still heading their way. Gotta prepare a presentation! Gotta finish a milestone! and what not!!! And shortly, after i commit the write-up, i will be with my regular micaz motes and lab setup at this time of the night (11PM present) to recollect how far i was before my exams and what are the TODOs. And , as i mentioned above, i gotta prepare a presentation report along with some proposal and this time, i am on for an *early start* to make sure i dont finish exactly ON time ,and that too frantically! [ if you got what i mean, i always finish things the last minute only ].

OK , enough preaching about your boring lifestlye LEF (oops , typos) <-- an interesting thing to be noted: these words " the typos " make my life NOT THAT BORING AS YOU THOUGHT OF ;) .

If your lifestyle is not that boring, tell me what you did today?
Hmm. You're gonna get my kick buddy! How dare you ask such a question!!!

OKAY. i admit i cant kick you ever , not even on the mirror. So I better answer you!

1) A shortwhile ago, got some javascript from some website and put the widget on this blog, which shows the recent comments for ELFTRAUMA.

2) I was with some feed collector that would collect feeds and the output would be the RSS feed for output. [ that was indeed boring, and i am not gonna continue with that anymore, though i managed to set it up and running ]

3) I checked in VH1 webjunk.tv countdown and it was hilarious!

4) Was proposing to drink some beers but then , remembered that yesterday i was drunk quite well that i didnt feel like getting the same today too.

5) Got this wonderful idea to jot down something, but when my mind is running void. I got nothing to write, yet, words never seem to stop.

6) Well , with music i always am .. and thats not a thing i should be mentioning here to increase the numbers showing that i really am not BORING. .... elf .. you just did! oopsss!!!

7) MOST of all, i am trying to motivate myself..

[ well, there are plenty .. and i cant think of now ;) (now, thats a big excuse) ]

I dont need traumas to motivate myself: its just that the sun sets soon and i cant seem to wait until it rises up again! ELF

why do girls lose the game - ii ;)

why do girls lose the game -i
Just a little addition to that blog ;) ...... and i tell you! this AD is simply superb!!!!!

Fluttering?

what do networks and "ELF" have in common?
For multiple routing paths and taking load balancing into consideration, both tend to go into phenomenal "fluttering".

Now this means , i have three HUGE exams heading my way this week (mon, wed, fri) and i am going through a very very tough time.. concentrating on ONE course alone. I tend to read one, shift to the other , and so on .. and no peace of mind, damn!

BUT BUT .. i think of overcoming my state of mind with this blog entry .. =) [ for a change ] ..

I will start the one that is coming up this MON . And , no more disarray now!
*Might be, i need a nap to start . ELF, get off this blog !!!

who cares - iii

Please follow the previous versions from the blog.

who cares - i
who cares - ii

AND GOD is great! Someone(anonymous) just mailed me the story... wow... This is one of the best thing that could ever happen to this blog. Thanks a ton for the story!!!

secrets! spill 'em out!

Secrets - my secrets! your secrets! whats the use keeping it . spill 'em out!

Me and my friend were discussing abt it and i thought "why not try an experiment" - a collective BLOG experience.. where its not only one mind speaking, but rather two minds! Me , and my friend .. let the friend be "anonymous" and i'll write some shares we had!

She says that she loves gossips, and if secrets were not shared , what would she gossip about! hmm , some logic there . Well, she's logical anyways! :P Now , how would i convince myself that i should share my secrets ? hmm . Probably , without sharing those secrets i wouldnt prove myself cool! ah! kidding! The thing is , i have secrets to many a people , i am an open book to few. A wonderful counterattack she put forward : " when a man cannot keep a secret from a lady that means he is in love wid her ". DAMN! the answer to that question from me : was " i dont know! ".

Then, i did a small google search on "secrets" , where ppl thought secret was something you'd love to treasure. Some thought, secret was something you are BOUND to keep within, perhaps waiting for a right place/time to spill it out! Anyways , secrets are things we give to others to keep for us! That we two agreed upon!

SO , i came up with an interesting question :
" what is the biggest secret that you think you have till date ? "

Hmm . guess what ! She was thinking for like around 1 minute before she came up with the answer. "there r things in life that r better left unsaid!...keeps the troubles at bay!" Without me asking her, she provided me some vindications of her quote. Well, thats a SECRET to the readers now! amazing this word is, full of secrets! =)

A little after, we realized .. that sometimes, expressing secrets (minor/major) within friends really helps us enjoy the time a lot, in fact at times when we got nothing better to do ;) And we went on expressing and letting out secrets like never before! :) .. [ a secret she might NOT know : i made up some secrets .. ;) :P ]

Hmm . I think its enough for this blog! And i should say, it was interesting collaborating on a blog like this. Someday, i would like an anonymous user send me a story entitled "who cares - iii" .. i have a dream - elf !!!

BTW. There is some website where you can post secrets of yours anonymously .. in case you're interested. [POSTSECRET] . [PS : i got the link from the blog website of PLAINJANE ] Well, this is something i am looking forward to! :)

Let me end up with a quote from Virginia Woolf (1882-1941), British novelist, also distinguished feminist essayist and critic.

Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind is written large in his works.

i came , i saw ....

THE EVIL came, lived, vanished! memories there were but he didnt take it. or else it would haunt him! He vanished forever realisin only that he could make people happy once he wipes off his existence!

LORD o LORD , may the SATAN rest in peace .. for he needs some rest now and let him remain in minds of people as an allegory for EVIL , yes the ELF

I came , I saw .. but i didnot conquer ...

commercial: stunt city - fun

How would a city be , if had been like this! :) amazing video! sure do check out!

inferences! how quick you make one ?

A question that hit my mind while i was working with MICAz mote .

"How long does it take for you to derive conclusions???"

Well, i was working on interfacing the MIB510 board last week in my lab. It had a serial interface and i had a serial to USB connector to interface the programming board to my laptop. And very well , as you might have guessed by now, it didnt work! I tried re-installing drivers and basically this and that , but still .. no luck. Then, i thought i should look around if there are people facing problems as such. I did a little "search" on GOOGLE. Some mailing-lists and there it was! Somebody wrote : its not possible when you have USB to SERIAL connectors!!!

I was glad that i was not wasting any more of my time in that. Very Quick, i close the lid of my laptop. Turned back to one of the LAB PCs which had a serial interface, hooked the programming board through the serial interface, loaded the micaz mote.. and BINGO!!! it worked. I could upload my first program on the mote " the blink program " which lit the LEDs. Happy as ever , i moved out of the lab! did a merry-go-round for some days .. seemed like i got plenty time spare for my next advent .. complex programming now :P

Today, i brought all those boards n motes at my place. I knew i didnt have a desktop here .. and i knew it wouldnt work with the usb to serial convertor .. but still , something drove me into doing that! some intuitions!

As i powered up the board, and re-installed the driver for the connector , and tried to load the same "BLINK" application , it didnt work! DAMN!!! but then, i tried a few trials around , some changes and some little conceptuals (minor) and i could perform loading it through the same connector very well on my laptop.

Awesome! I was reminded of my previous conclusions. I thought of how those ppl(within the mailing lists) who did WRONG had the same inferences too. NOW , a little google proved to me , that there are indeed some OTHER people who are successful in interfacing those sensor boards through a USB to SERIAL convertor ;) lol

DAMN!!! i realise i make conclusions pretty quick! and from this event, i realised that i made a WRONG conclusion then!

This state of mind correlates with my last blog "milestone" where you move back and re-do things realisin' the fact that you were not always right on your judgement of things!!! I would rather say : A wise man CAN move onto the past and correct himself! - if given a chance!!!

who cares - ii

First Part!

There i saw her again today!

The same desperation. The same helplessness. The same scene: she took out the cigarette, started puffing, and this time luckily i had mine. And i felt like not going close to her even , since i thought : let her solve her problem by herself ...

And This time , things were a bit different . She called me and said : HELLO ! i turned back , smiled .. went closer and turned back the acknowledgment.

She: "How are u doing today ?"
ME: 'Pretty fine! How abt you ?'

"Oh yes! me too"
'Good'
"Do u remember me ? Last time i was at the same place, and we smoked together?"
' Ah! yes , i couldnt forget that , i blogged on that! '
"Really?"
'oh yes. really!!!'
"Thats sweet! btw, why do you always come here?"
'If i ask you the same, what would you say'
"Hmmm.. i am here for some peace of mind"
'me too'
"as simple as that ? "
'yes pretty simple.. i love to be in solitude'
"and why is that so ? "
'Just so, i dont have to be in tragedy to be loving solitude :)'
[both chuckles]
"in fact, i have my problems! i have had a bad relationship"
'Oh, thats sad! but , you try and overcome that! i aint asking how , when , where and stuffs abt your relationship .. and thank god ! i am not into one'
[chuckles again]
"dont u feel like having one?"
'well , frankly speaking .. not right now! i learnt some things not work the way you think of. If there is this -everything go right- timeline , i would certainly want to.. and not now'
"hmm . so you mean , you know things are always not perfect. does that mean , you ever had a relationship"
'i thought i had , i didnt. i still think i have, but i dont'
"what on earth is that!!!"
'i mean - i reclaimed before plunging into a relationship.'
"why would anyone do that ?"
'i didnt want to impose some obligations on the other one. Everyone is free to decide, and i was well aware of the days comin' ahead. Anyways, what i did , to me , is correct so far'
"If you feel so, i say nothing more"
'Thanks! and i am not unhappy about that. Infact i am happy that i took a wise decision. for me , what has in store will be . no worries'
"Great for you! in fact , i wouldnt want to advise you on relationship when i am having bad times myself"
'LOL .. yeah! and seriously , i wouldnt ask you how your relationship is ... just good luck and solve it'
"Thanks! "
'You're welcome! Ohhh SHIT !!! i gotta go, i got my paper reviews to be done and i have been such a lazy bone these days: got it due tomorrow'
"Oh sure! nice meetin' you"
'same here'
" And by the way , do u know : Witherspoon , Britney are breaking up with their hubbies??? "
' WHO CARES! ' [ *grins* ;)]
" hahahaha , OK . see ya "
' see ya if ever i strike a trauma again ;) '

[SHE VANISHES and ELF STOPS HIS BLOG].

bored at work! turns out to be a funday!!! :)

[note]* A pic has been removed ! That was so funny ! available upon special request only :P , most of you guys have seen that though!!! :)

shakespearean style ma!

love o' love!
where art thou?
can thee come again today
can thee tell me where you stay
can u tell me if i am thine ?
love thou shalt never fadeth
Be thou my sense , O' love of my hearth!!!
For thy with meh, i amy completeth!

[ ;) HELLO .. excuse me !!! , Shakespeare would kill me if he was alive - for i did pretty DJin' in there :P ]

NOW : how would ELF do that ? hmmm . let me put it as something for my ppl to guess upon ? if you hadth time :)

milestone!

milestone (n)

• stone post at side of a road to show distances
• a significant event in your life (or in a project)

Whats a milestone ? People set it up as goals , achieve it , then ? Create another milestone ? Whats the upper limit ? and besides for GOD's sake , for whom ?

Questions as such are never simple to answer , but , not impossible either. Everyone sets up goals to achieve.. .. say .. career, love, assets, living, eventually satisfaction . And it is equally likely, we create yet another milestone after having reached one. Now , have we ever known to realize the fact that the time you reach a milestone , you might feel something is not right. You might grow up maturity in your thoughts , and start pruning the milestone you achieved . This might sound weird , but , i am talking in context to the great great INTERNET MILESTONE , that occurred today. There was a website in AUG 1991 , and now there are 100 millions of it. Now , thats the great Internet milestone . In a first thought , its a great achievement .. we have plenty information floating "literally" around the world and in the access of people around. [ dont argue about digital divide here , since thats yet another challenge :) ]. Give it a second thought and analyse ' dont we have a little "excess" of information (repetition too) ? ' . Can we prune that ? Can we make sense on our contents in the internet ? Can we integrate services ? am i acting a bit nerd in asking for a total change ?

Yet another milestone for NEPAL with its technology. i was with a writeup with a little bit of reading concerning how NEPAL may be routed to the CENTRIC internet without relying on VSAT alone as it does now. Check that in the discussion forum : http://forum.guffgaff.com/index.php?topic=24.0
And the implementation for that milestone is still in the TODO list .

One other thing that strikes my mind is the packet switched network that was the milestone then (from circuit switched), and now, a pain due to different overloads it possess on different headers at different layers. [ today's lecture on networks covered a bit on this ;) ] I am certainly not boring you non-technical readers .. think of any other examples ..

lets say : my life . i set up a milestone , i move for it . i achieve it .. and what ? i setup another milestone .. and i move forward looking for it . damn! life is all about milestones , and you look back in retrospect , see things the way they are , amend things if you feel like , prepare for the next milestone .

And the key point is : "the adventure lies within" !!!

what if GOD was me!

Well , i got this idea "what if GOD was me!" and a song hit my mind . JOAN OSBORNE's "what if god was one of us". Some answers i have for her , if i were GOD.

If God had a name, what would it be
ELF
And would you call it to his face
Yes of course , i aint that horrible.

If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question
Will you marry me ? lol :)

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
of course i am :)

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
I am GOD , and damn girl , i am a slob .. how did u know ??

If God had a face what would it look like
exactly like me , who else :P :P

And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in jesus and the saints and all the prophets
i dont believe in heaven and things like that . and seeing me doesnt mean you'd have to believe in those . Just believe in me , thats it !


What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just trying to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in rome


you caught me there honey!!! shall i ask you a single question ?

what if i was not GOD , but you a reality ?

dreams !!!

dreams
dreams
dreams ..

should i have to wait for dreams always to see you ?

I used to play this song plenty times when i was in the 8th grade. After, like 10 years now , i am getting used to listening it plenty times again. GOD HELP ME , i am a dreamer now ! :) :) ;)

the fall break!

I had a visit to an American farm, experience a cultural hayrack ride and barn dance. The venue was Stackhouse farm, Papillion, South Omaha. It was fun!!!

I managed to take a pic with a person(guy) similar to me ---> thats the "ELF mate" ;)

After the ride and the traditional square dance [ omg! i learnt lots of steps in there ] , we had this bonfire over there , where we "roasted" the marshmallows , sandwiched with the chocolate between crackers and had this amazing S'mores.

With so much fun , yesterday for a birthday and today for an evening out for some farm events , i realise i have examinations coming as the break is over ;)

The Financial Aid News!!!

During the university selection procedure for me, i registered for many financial aid websites and learnt a lot from them, though none of them provided me any aid ;). I got the aid on my own terms from my own department. However, an early search for financial aid for paying for tuition is extremely necessary. As i was checking along the October 2006 issue of the Financial Aid newsletter that i had subscribed long time back, there was this very interesting article talking about 5 ways to make some "spending money" while in college. Its more like a "beer money" as the article describes it ;) ..

Having a little extra spending money in college is always a welcome thing - a little extra cash for Saturday night, a nice lunch out every now and then, or even to make rent. Spending money can be relatively easy to come by if you know where to look. Here's 5 places online you can look for some "beer money"; for some, you won't even have to leave your desk! All of the programs listed here are free to join; no money ever leaves your pocket.

1. Got a blog? PayPerPost.com is looking for bloggers of all kinds to write short posts about all sorts of subjects. Posts can pay anywhere from $2.50 to $45 per blog post and you don't have to write much more than a couple of paragraphs. If your blog qualifies (at least 90 days old, at least one post a day, all public), you can apply for the program. I can say from personal experience, having earned $12 last month, that the program actually DOES pay you, which is nice.

Visit: http://www.PayPerPost.com

2. Know anyone who's graduated recently? The Student Loan Network's StudentATM program offers $100 per completed, returned student loan consolidation application. Get a few folks to consolidate their federal student loans, and get paid when they return their completed applications to the Student Loan Network. Our top participant has earned $17,000 since signing up in April 2006. (Our last check to them was for $7,600 - not bad for a month's work!)

Visit: http://www.StudentATM.com

3. Love music? Set up an iTunes affiliate account on your personal web site and ask your friends to purchase their music legally through your site. They'll pay the same amount, but you'll receive 5% of their purchases.

Visit: http://www.apple.com/itunes/affiliates/

4. Got a blog, web site, podcast, or other online presence with a specific industry focus? Commission Junction offers a huge number of products and services in nearly every industry. Find stuff you'd recommend anyway and promote it with special links on your site. You can earn anywhere from mere pennies to hundreds of dollars, depending on which programs you participate in.

Visit: http://www.cj.com

5. This one doesn't involve money, but it does involve free pizza. Google is looking for students to participate in their Google Ambassador program. In exchange for promoting Google to engineering, computer science, and technology students, Google will allow you to call in a study break pizza pretty much whenever you want. You'll also get Google schwag to wear on campus.

Visit: http://www.google.com/support/jobs/bin/static.py?page=students.html&sid=ambassador

I am just another lazy-bone for the Google ambassador thing. I got this blog , but i am not updated on a regular basis. If i measure my blogging time, it follows the random distribution. HMM , perhaps the Pareto distribution. loll .. Might that give a closer approximation to my blogging probability??? Researchers wanted !!! and i am not paying you a dollar !!! :) :)

Body Language!

Some few weeks back, i met this new friend . She is an aged ( we call it "budi" ) who talks almost anything to me. In fact , she must have got that security talking to me, and i have learnt a lot from her. The major reason that her being a member of the opposite sex. Now , whats that anything ? no wonders , its about politics ( national, international, university politics too :) ) , its about people (races, culture , religion) , its about being a human ( accepting sexual differences , morales , values ) and what not!

She's got stories to share always . Once there was a resignation from the Chancellor of our university. I didnt understand the campus politics and the media reports on all these , and she was the one who enlightened me about the fact. And the thing was about misusing the power one is authorized , misusing the money and all those . Since then, believe it or not, i have begun to understand some of my university politics . i repeat , some .

She's an impressive personality. One of our talks i remember was about a professor who mistreated a young girl at her class. The girl was a graduate student but around my age .. and this lady must be of the age of the professor. The incident was something like : that girl spilled some drinks in the classroom floor, at which she suddenly went outside, grabbed a mop and started cleaning the floor. To the astonishment , the professor was rude on her and shouted " You should start a career on that ". The girl couldnt revolt , as of her maturity, as of her age .. and she ran away from the class. This lady was simply silent then .. but was not happy with the drama going on. Later , she was with me talking about the situation, and she questioned , if it would be wise to complain against the professor. Well , i am young too ;) .. but still , i agreed that she should talk to the lady who was embarrassed by the professor and talk to the professor directly about the behavior.

Some days later, she came to me ...and said that she actually went to the professor and explained why the thing he did on that class was wrong! To her dismay, the professor didnt quite respond to it . She couldnt simply stay there for long, so , she left. She even told the professors immediate supervisor , and found indifference there too. I was happy that at least , she let the professor know of the misbehavior. " That was an achievement " - i told her . of course , that was! I dont have that guts to talk for anyone if its not concerned to me anyways. I respect that lady's decision on that . No wonder , she is a personality to have some quality time with.

And , you might be wondering by now , what the title of this blog is ? This is one of the terms , that we recently discussed. She told me " you've got plenty admirers " .. And , she showed me girls who were passing ahead. She imitated how each girl wanted to catch my attention , or , how each girl wanted my attention on her. She categorised them and we had fun sampling every girls that pass by into one of these categories. ;) .. Lol , sometimes she even hid.. so that she could analyse things even better. LOL . i was laughing all the time. BODY LANGUAGE is what she was looking at , and she boasted " who knows better than me ". THESE GIRLS , GIRLS , GIRLS !!!

Indeed , TRUE. Your body doesn't know how to lie. Body Language is the " the nonverbal communication " . You might be scared to know that , people would judge your characteristics by your body language. That could give impressions to people you meet , that could prove a disaster too . Like , those girls .. one of the categories we were talking about was " look at that girl , she doesnt have a boyfriend and wants to grab your attention. She's simply so fat. " .. The other was " She thinks she looks beautiful with that hairdo , and she thinks every guy is just ready for a chase " .. lol .. It might sound a bit nosy that we were trying to judge a book by its cover , but who cares !!! at the end of the day , we were just having some fun . We admitted that later. :)

First Time Caller!!!

Splendid movie. I liked the perfect blend of emotions along with the humor. Well , i would give an A for the movie , the theme , the presentation. :) ..

Btw, i am here with the movie in this blog , cos , its a free streamable movie. Watch it from
http://www.cinemanow.com/TitleDetail.aspx?TitleID=15922&grpId=1003
(dont know however how long the movie lasts for free or if its forever ).

ELF - a love story

* Removin' this post , to respect my anonymity! lol! :) sorry.

lost !

This world's just so small . Still i wonder , how people get lost like anything. You get no clue where to find him/her. Amazing , isnt it . Most importantly when you've been seeking for like a year or so, and still got no hint as to where the person is. Again, there is so much the one who seeks can do , and there are boundaries that stop him from doing so. Thoughts, always play in an indisciplined way. What if , the person really meant to not see you for the rest of their life . Amazing , how could that be ? Or , is it ? THOUGHTS .. THOUGHTS .. better dont think too much , ELF .. or you are doomed.

I was just with my old old goodie goodie emails , when some thoughts came into my mind as some emails caught my attention. Those were the only emails , that have so long impacted my intuitions regarding some virtues in life , and to which , i ever valued since then.

I met wonderful people who added up , who taught me things ( you might have realised by now , i am a good learner ) . I know my journey is like purposeful , but again , without a destination. Rather , is it rationale to search / keep on searching ? Should i overcome my thoughts ? Should i worry about the LOST ? Should i keep on writing things so that eventually one day , i run short of words .. and ... and ..
and ... ( damn! i m indeed runnin' sort of words already ) .

Let me share one poetry from a long time email .

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

If this be error and upon me proved,I never writ, nor no man ever loved

ELF TRAUMA

One two three , One two three ..
the march of the troops ahead
the sounds of the tapping feet
the thunderstorm with a grrr ..

u talking to me ?
i look up
the sun hid behind the clouds
the stars dont show up
i see darkness ..
and i remember IRON MAIDEN :
someone's always there.

i run back to my room
see my reflections on the mirror
i see NOT me .
i make faces at me
my reflection smacks me
dang! that was NOT me .. i move away

i walk , i play ..
mindless walk , mindless game
i see myself
try to understand
within myself
i try to reprimand

i fear no death
i fear no monster
i fear no fear
i fear only me.

places i visit .. people i meet
life i lead .. words i speak
intuitions i follow .. rationales i swallow
irrational - thats me
ELF - the "traumatized" _i*i_

where i am!

Nothing can be better than this.

I was just watching some of my old concerts. and it was ONE big file. Dont know where i got all my spirits alive , and with VCD clipper to cut the clips , VCD cutter to change the filename extensions from *.dat to *.mpg , and using the windows movie maker with many video effects .. finally i managed to upload two of my songs , plus , a small preview of the concert. :)

I hope you do like it . Here are the link . I thought of not embedding it here . Please follow the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8glNH-k9rk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARrkRpBRXoU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtBKZuJf6Y0

iNSANITY

harebrained ideas!
movies with psychic energy!
obsessive compulsive disorder!
unearthly intellections!
platonic love!
workaholic!
dipsomaniac!
overly pragmatic!
believer in " to err is human: forgive is divine "
unusually humorous!
very positive!
purposeful!
psychic trauma!
pandemonium state of mind!
stopped taking life literally!
weirdo me!


I dont suffer from INSANITY : I enjoy every part of it. :)

Why do GIRLS lose the GAME ?

Just few days back, encountered a video. Then opened an account in youtube , and uploaded it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWqKa1qMM-Y

... and no longer than an hour, got a comment. at least an appreciation. I was wondering over the game the guy and the girl played in the VIDEO. The state of mind, they both are in .. was in perfect match. The smile both possess , and the attraction to the opposite sex is extremely observable. And, gradually the guy starts getting the idea. The idea of him being the superior among the sexes. The idea of him doing something that could be socially acceptable , and not the girl. See for yourself .. why the girl lost the game!!!

:)

kiss me quick!

Ingredients : -
- 4 cl vodka (cranberry)
- 2 cl apfelkorn liqueur
- 7 cl tonic water (schweppes)
- 8 cl apple juice
- 8 cl ice cubes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Use a "In glass" for Kiss Me Quick drink recipe

Mix in a highball glass.
Serve in "Highball Glass " Garnish: No
Ingredients: vodka (cranberry). apfelkorn liqueur. tonic water (Schweppes). apple juice. ice cubes.

Astrology!

I never believed in horoscopes, when I realized this month it was proving true :)

Wow, you knew you were a lucky duck, but as this month starts, you are luckier than ever when it comes to romance. On the 1st, 2nd and 3rd, you must have done something special with your tail feathers, because everybody is checking you out. And they like what they see! You like them, too. Hey, that's great. On the 7th, you're padding your nest with water lilies and soft, sparkly things, and you might have a visitor very soon! They'll love what you've done with your nest, so don't worry. On the 12th, things could turn serious. Wow! You sure swim quickly, ducky! On the 17th, take a little break. You can't be in romance mode all the time, you know. You may need to compromise on the 21st -- but you like it, don't you? Admit it! You solve a romantic problem on the 25th, and on the 30th, you very likely get a romantic prize. Like a kiss! Quack!

Shall i speak more ! My last poem ( i feel death ) was thought of on the 17th .. ;)

i feel the death - II

Delusory as it seemed
the king left his throne
someone found him alone
dreaming , searching , wishing
all for a moan
like an angelic beauty it shone
right above his head
the man realised he wants to live
only for a purpose
tricky it seemed to be
even fate paid no mercy
deception never spared him
perception never had been so deeper
obliteration of his journey there
the low man could no longer feign
he knew he was lonesome again
he realised he was dead again
and death came back to him a million times !!!

The first part >>> i feel the death - I

Astronomy!

As i m listening to Metallica's Astronomy : i have got thoughts like never before. Enormous giants NASA , SETI and plenty other for SPACE missions n Extra-Terrestial search missions are all in my mind. People have hugely invested into these , and i am a no escape to being a member at BOINC too ( Berkeley Open Infrastructure for Network Computing ). SETI@home is my concern there.

SETI@home is a scientific experiment that uses Internet-connected computers in the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI). You can participate by running a free program that downloads and analyzes radio telescope data.

My profile @SETI can be viewed from MY PROFILE . Well i started a TEAM , a pity that i am the only member . I dont believe people work for nothing but again a pity i do :) Here is the link for my TEAM . If you are reading this , and if you feel like using the processing of your PC when its idle , i would request you to join " Himalayan Voyage to SETI ( from Nepal )". I have had 358 hours of my CPU time for the project. Though recently stopped , as i write this i know i am going to start it from tomorrow again.

Well, i was about to talk about my sentiments to ASTRONOMY , and i ended up with all marketing. OF course , marketing for no $$$ , and thats the best part. I had always been fascinated by STARS, MOON , SUN-RISEs/SETs , blue sky , satellites moving on a clear sky .. counting stars , making visual arts at the SKY on a clear night. LOL , was that enough for my astronomical knowledge. haha

Literally , i would like to take my STAR to MOON oneday , sip some drinks below the moonshine and be on cloud nine.

Let me end up with a beautiful saying:

The most incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible. - Albert Einstein

laws of nature

As i was walking to my workplace this morning , plenty things hovered around my mind. All based on one notion "laws of nature". People were quite in a haste! Different sorts of people with different stories. Some young children with their school-bags running to catch the school bus. Some elder ones trying to persuade their children buying some stuffs from the nearby store. Some rush on people to reach the workplace. I could read them thinking .. indeed , all thoughts like me hovering in each and every of their minds. Family concerns , workplace issues , business concerns , love affairs. I wonder what those school children thought .. perhaps , meeting friends at school and sharing last night's movie , cartoon shows, or the time they spent with their homeworks.

I was concentrating on the roads , and when suddenly something banged my head! oh , it was an idea. A weird thought! I looked above on the sky and saw some birds flying , as though seeing me .. teasing me .. and shouting " YOU JERK ! DONT YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO THINK " . i smiled .. comeon , you know me .. if you dont .. better dont come closer pretending .. ;) I was thinking what those birds were to do for today . Follow their routinely business , feeding their young ones , finding nests , finding something to feed upon . Indeed , everybody , every living creatures think different. And a "bhusiya kukur" (a non-pet dog) , feeling so neglected on the road was NO MISS from my thoughts. Poor her.. Poor bitch. And all she could do was run away from people avoiding her. Well , this is nature .. elf .. dont ever think of changing it .. dont ever think of making a difference.

I didnt know , no point in time , i reached the front-gate of my workplace. I realised , i had been thinking too much , so i decided to jot this down. The funny thing is , all those time , on the stroll ( apparently with no aim ) ..i had been thinking .. if there was a MATCH on my thoughts with anybody else. Somebody , if i stared at him/her would reply back to me with a smile and say in his/her mind .. " i can hear you , you sicko " :) SHOOT ME.

for you!

hey you !
dont dream
dreamers are always lonely

hey you !
dont cry
criers are only fools

hey you !
dont think
thinkers are always wrong

hey you !
feel it
if u feel it , i say no more.

nostril shots !

i think this says it all .

a boozy evening!

It all started with the gentleman's talk

then ..

Long Island

Ingredients
Stolichnaya Red Vodka
White Rum
Gin
Tequila
De Kuyper Triple Sec
Coke
Caster Sugar
Lemon Juice

Shake all the ingredients except the coke with ice and strain into a highball. Then pour the coke on the top.

and .........

The Brain Haemorrhage

Ingredients
Strawberry schnapps
Grenadine
Bailey's Irish Cream Liqueur
Method
Pour 3/4 of an ounce of chilled strawberry schnapps into a glass
Plop in a dash of Grenadine
Carefully add some chilled Bailey's to the mix
Stand back and watch what happens.

and was that over, NOPE ! some nostril shots ( my first time ) and *censored* shooters/cocktails still on the way.

FINALLY,
ended up with a ~!#$%#^#$&#~ :)

i m not a pessimist

i m not a pessimist - elf

the day you fled
the day you let me live
meant something i didnt understand
and now i realise
i have been eluding myself
all this time and again
i believed you were the only ONE
dont know if patience is losing my grip
or am i having a flip i cant resist any longer
certainly , one thing i am not subject to change
you are no more with me
you were never mine
and i was a fool to act as if

i got more powers now , i got more strength
its certainly your LOVE that has led me believe
we are not made for each other, we never were
and my belief has got even stronger now
i m all alone with no vow
thats the real me , when i realise that
again the journey begins, a grace i have to meet
i know i will never ever think again
i will feel it from my heart.
cos i realise i m never a good lover
but always a good friend
and i remain an optimist always!

PS: bravo! i finished it at last, it has been 3 days i was adding up lines. DAMN! the outcome is so pathetic. Please tolerate or forget it. i think i m fucked upon by this word called "LOVE" , have been thinking too much. I vow not to think again. :)

Parliament Restored!

A great advent!

The KING addressed to the nation few minutes before. He showed his affection to the people who were there on the streets , and that was the major amendment he made to his speech than last time. The parliament was reinstated and i believe its the major advent to the history of NEPALESE politics. Being very optimistic , i have few things in mind.

Its not what we were fighting for. Its just the beginning. The beginning to a BETTER MAINSTREAM politics in NEPAL. The beginning to debate around and coming up with solution that is extremely accepted by all .

The parliament now decides for the Constitutional Assembly. The parliament now thinks of letting Maoists come into mainstream politics. And people will choose the leaders. Now , its to see if the people really thought alike on the roads. Its to see now , if we all are really deeply concerned about mainstream politics in NEPAL for the better future. Its to see , if we can really meet the challenges that come ahead of us now . And its the real protest ( mind protest ) we have to be in now. Between idealogies, between theologies . Lets see if we can really meet upto the expectations we all were in.

FATE of my NATION

A small analysis on the present political crisis:

I believe its time to seek for possibilities : Lets analyse things from different perspectives , and seek for the solution.

I have seen some people agreein' to the KING's address to the nation on 21st April 2006. They suppose , SPA should come up with an unanimous leader and further call for a constitutional assembly, call maoists for political mainstream, and let KING be there, as a constitutional monarch. Of course , the assembly to be called upon should contain learned people and not politicians or the autocrat himself.

post-analysis

well , let me take you to the address the king made . DID he anyhow , anytime mention "constitutional assembly", which proves to be the most important resolution of the issue. What about the resolution for maoist insurgency . The people risking their lives on this "andolan" was not even praised or commented. Certainly , it counts that People are not satisfied with the KING's Speech , at least , not upto their expectations and there they are in the road again. I dont know if its deceptive though. [ I believe it is , but i can't simply foretell if it is for sure]. Well , so far the mobile phones that have been cut off after his address to the nation, i m pretty sure that proves it. He doesnt want democracy for the people . All he wants is absolute power.

The times are changin' and only time will tell , what happens to the KING. Will he able to address the nation and people with all their notions put forward and remain a monarch, and kill off absolute power. OR, is there any alternative he's bound to spell/act , i mean run away.

As a Citizen of this country , i would expect a democratic NEPAL with most of the issues focussed at these times , when everyone is really concerned. And as i ever mention , i wait for my FATE.

Its always like that!

SO WHAT ? I WALK ON COS I KNOW ITS ALWAYS LIKE THIS.

JADED!

Its your jail. your mind! You are jaded, buddy. You are jaded to believe whats correct. You are confused. WTF ??? do u think you're coming out anyway. Let me explain , you're not. not ever. The state of mind you are at , the moments of bliss you pretend , the realisation that you fail to accept. You're doomed. NUISANCE! RUBBISH! GIBBERISH! thats all you can think of right now. who cares anyway what you think. Whats all the chaos about? Can u just make it credible that your opinions do count anyway. You're pretty screwed now. You can't help yourself : what on earth makes you think you can help. All you wait is your FATE, and hope it resurrects with great destiny. DAMN YOU! you are just a fool to think so . If you cant follow your instincts , better not follow others. If you cant make your fate yourself , better not expect. If u really think, reality bites .. let me enlighten you , it sucks/stinks as well for you. You're still someone who thinks you got no identity, no mark. You are a chump for others. You're being played at. I see no goodness in you. WAIT , do u think it matters to me. FoRgEt it BUDDY , it makes no difference to me anyway. GROW UP!!!

I have a small suggestion for you: " DONT TRY and ACT , BETTER ACT and TRY ". You know who you are , so i am not humilating yourself infront of others. And i m your NATION speaking.

FCUK YOU!

sinning might it seem to you
tempting might it seem to me
daunting might it seem to feel
picky might it seem to be read
FCUK YOU, my favorite words.
oops , its a spelling mistake.

who cares!

Then was the time , she stepped out of the door.. saying " WHO CARES ". I was observing her from a distance ... and couldnt really understand her. She glanced at me , as if she didnt know me. Indeed she didnt. But i knew her. She was my neighbor.

I had been seeing her very happy indeed , everytime i saw her. She only moved few months before. Since then, i have been observing her and she never looked the way she was looking today. When she saw me, all she could do was put a fake smile on her face, very well i knew it was only pretending. She looked pale on her face .. and .. tears werent rolling down. She didnt seem to be crying. She was just unhappy with someone. I wondered who ?

I never spoke to her in those months , so didnt have the guts to speak to her at that very moment. She just walked outside the house , and as a child , who would walk away if her dad didnt bring a chocolate to her after work .. she was strolling around the lane. She moved some distance away from the road , and again .. came back. I dont know what she was thinking , but one thing for sure , she was not on her senses. There was a bench quite a distance away , and still on my line of sight. She just hastily came over to the bench , and sat. She was wearing Levis Jeans .. and the only thing , i liked about her was her butts when on her jeans. So in a way, i should say i was the silent observer/admirer.

She was lookin' up , sideways and i thought she was really troubled with something , i couldnt even go to her and ask .... but a strange thing happened .. and i was bound to go to her. As she was sitting, she folded her legs , unfolded, folded the other way , put both legs on the bench .. then .. finally , she took out something from her pocket. I concentrated on what she was taking out of her pocket , and could see it was a pack of a cigarette. She took one and again, the same restlessness .. i could see in her face. When i looked closer , that was my favorite cigarette. I put my hands on my jacket and i couldnt find mine. I searched around my clothings, and could find nothing . On my jeans , all i could find was a lighter ! the lighter that i used to lit a cigarette. I could see her so desperate to smoke and wasnt finding something to lit . On the contrary, i was so desperate that i had a lighter and i didnt have a cigarette. I dont know , nicotine all struck my mind. Never had i felt so much urge .. to the person whom i never spoken before .. i finally decided to move closer and give her a company.

I moved slowly n with a purpose .. looking at her miserable face when nothing was going right with her. Of course , the only thing to me was a cigarette. I moved closer n closer and finally reached the back of the bench. I got my guts to utter a word " errr...... Excuse me! ". She turned back and i could see no difference to her face .. the same paleness , the same excuses perhaps on her mind. I asked her " i think you dont have a lighter ! and i dont have a cigarette ! " . I was happy when these words at least brought a sort of humor on her face . The humor with her misery was quite a good sight for me. I said " can i sit beside you ?". She didnt object and just nodded her approval . I sat besides , hold up my lighter .. and she gave me her pack .. i took out one cigarette .. put it on my lips ... and lit her cigarette n then mine. She said " thanks " so soft spoken , that i couldnt hear it. She took in long gasps and the fire on the cigarette was moving as fire on the woods. I smoked n she smoked .. sometimes we looked at each other , she seemed to have her own story she didnt seem to share , and neither did i dare to ask. Finally , after some long silence .. both of the cigarettes totally turned into ashes. I then stood up , said " Thanks " .. , soft spoken again that she didnt hear it. She looked indifferent so i moved away.

I was thinkin' , if i should talk to her or not as i moved away from her. But again , i remembered the words she said when she was moving out of the house " WHO CARES " . Indeed , i moved away with the same words. I reached my home ... but couldnt sleep that night . I was simply curious to know what the reason was. I felt so bad , that i didnt utter a word at least to pacify her.

Next day ... Early in the morning , even without my morning chores , i ran out to the neighborhood ... and as i reached out to the front door .. there was a big lock outside the door. She had gone ! and i suppose i was the last person she met before she was gone. I moved towards my home thinking if i was guilty anyway .. and again the same words struck my mind and finally uttered , and this time very loud n clear " WHO CARES! ".

i feel the death!

i feel the death - elf

As the music passes by my soul
i think of days i let go
when nobody was never me
God helped me go out of it
People talkin' about me now
Shit people, who cares 'em anyway
i lie on my bed with my last breath
forever and a lifetime , a grace i had to meet
all my life, kept waiting
now dont have no life anymore
i saw her again the last time
loosened hair, touchin' my senses
this was the time i closed my eyes
feared to open or i wouldnt see her
There was dew still
from the morning
and behind me the people
announced my death!