who cares!

Then was the time , she stepped out of the door.. saying " WHO CARES ". I was observing her from a distance ... and couldnt really understand her. She glanced at me , as if she didnt know me. Indeed she didnt. But i knew her. She was my neighbor.

I had been seeing her very happy indeed , everytime i saw her. She only moved few months before. Since then, i have been observing her and she never looked the way she was looking today. When she saw me, all she could do was put a fake smile on her face, very well i knew it was only pretending. She looked pale on her face .. and .. tears werent rolling down. She didnt seem to be crying. She was just unhappy with someone. I wondered who ?

I never spoke to her in those months , so didnt have the guts to speak to her at that very moment. She just walked outside the house , and as a child , who would walk away if her dad didnt bring a chocolate to her after work .. she was strolling around the lane. She moved some distance away from the road , and again .. came back. I dont know what she was thinking , but one thing for sure , she was not on her senses. There was a bench quite a distance away , and still on my line of sight. She just hastily came over to the bench , and sat. She was wearing Levis Jeans .. and the only thing , i liked about her was her butts when on her jeans. So in a way, i should say i was the silent observer/admirer.

She was lookin' up , sideways and i thought she was really troubled with something , i couldnt even go to her and ask .... but a strange thing happened .. and i was bound to go to her. As she was sitting, she folded her legs , unfolded, folded the other way , put both legs on the bench .. then .. finally , she took out something from her pocket. I concentrated on what she was taking out of her pocket , and could see it was a pack of a cigarette. She took one and again, the same restlessness .. i could see in her face. When i looked closer , that was my favorite cigarette. I put my hands on my jacket and i couldnt find mine. I searched around my clothings, and could find nothing . On my jeans , all i could find was a lighter ! the lighter that i used to lit a cigarette. I could see her so desperate to smoke and wasnt finding something to lit . On the contrary, i was so desperate that i had a lighter and i didnt have a cigarette. I dont know , nicotine all struck my mind. Never had i felt so much urge .. to the person whom i never spoken before .. i finally decided to move closer and give her a company.

I moved slowly n with a purpose .. looking at her miserable face when nothing was going right with her. Of course , the only thing to me was a cigarette. I moved closer n closer and finally reached the back of the bench. I got my guts to utter a word " errr...... Excuse me! ". She turned back and i could see no difference to her face .. the same paleness , the same excuses perhaps on her mind. I asked her " i think you dont have a lighter ! and i dont have a cigarette ! " . I was happy when these words at least brought a sort of humor on her face . The humor with her misery was quite a good sight for me. I said " can i sit beside you ?". She didnt object and just nodded her approval . I sat besides , hold up my lighter .. and she gave me her pack .. i took out one cigarette .. put it on my lips ... and lit her cigarette n then mine. She said " thanks " so soft spoken , that i couldnt hear it. She took in long gasps and the fire on the cigarette was moving as fire on the woods. I smoked n she smoked .. sometimes we looked at each other , she seemed to have her own story she didnt seem to share , and neither did i dare to ask. Finally , after some long silence .. both of the cigarettes totally turned into ashes. I then stood up , said " Thanks " .. , soft spoken again that she didnt hear it. She looked indifferent so i moved away.

I was thinkin' , if i should talk to her or not as i moved away from her. But again , i remembered the words she said when she was moving out of the house " WHO CARES " . Indeed , i moved away with the same words. I reached my home ... but couldnt sleep that night . I was simply curious to know what the reason was. I felt so bad , that i didnt utter a word at least to pacify her.

Next day ... Early in the morning , even without my morning chores , i ran out to the neighborhood ... and as i reached out to the front door .. there was a big lock outside the door. She had gone ! and i suppose i was the last person she met before she was gone. I moved towards my home thinking if i was guilty anyway .. and again the same words struck my mind and finally uttered , and this time very loud n clear " WHO CARES! ".

i feel the death!

i feel the death - elf

As the music passes by my soul
i think of days i let go
when nobody was never me
God helped me go out of it
People talkin' about me now
Shit people, who cares 'em anyway
i lie on my bed with my last breath
forever and a lifetime , a grace i had to meet
all my life, kept waiting
now dont have no life anymore
i saw her again the last time
loosened hair, touchin' my senses
this was the time i closed my eyes
feared to open or i wouldnt see her
There was dew still
from the morning
and behind me the people
announced my death!